Shell
by GloriousFandoms
Summary: At one point in time, I had a different name. Not only that but a different appearance and a completely different life. A life that is no more and left me with barely any traces of it in my mind. So now I stare at my reflection and repeat my mantra: "My name is Lily Evans" so I never dare forget who I am. I just wished I knew why my name brings me dread at times.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Lily Evans. I was born on the 30th of January in the year 1960. I have a mother and father along with one older sister.

These are facts that I have always repeated silently in my head. This mantra always playing when the rest of the world is silent, a constant reminder. Because for some reason, I know I am not Lily Evans. I know I was not born near the end of January in the 60s. I know that my parents were not named Rose and David, nor did I have an older sister who was unluckily named Petunia.

My name is Lily Evans. I was born on the 30th of January in the year 1960. I have a mother and father along with one older sister. We live in England as a middle to lower class family. Our house is located in Cokeworth near Spinner's End.

I have to keep reminding myself for the fear that I will forget the role that I am somehow playing. I do not remember my actual name...my first name? I do not remember much at all. Just feelings of wrongness. Just feelings in general. I do not know if that is a blessing or a curse. A blessing of some ignorance or a curse of knowing just enough. I can not remember when I first realized that I was not Lily and Lily was not me. Was it when I...she...I was born and the feeling of being so tiny gave me a panic attack. Or was it when I couldn't understand what my parents were saying but can at the same time. The accents were strong but the meaning of the words were clear.

My name is Lily Evans. I was born on the 30th of January in the year 1960. I have a mother and father along with one older sister. We live in England as a middle to lower class family. Our house is located in Cokeworth near Spinner's End. I am five years old, my sister just turned eight. My hair is auburn, my eyes a vivid green. My sister has light blonde hair and eyes the color of the sky.

I do not remember my actual age. Only that I was most likely far older than five (going by the whispers of my parents and teacher) and that I was taller, much taller. Maybe one day I will return to that height. There are times I stand in the bathroom, just staring at the mirror blankly. My small fingers would twirl a piece of curly auburn hair. It was not a state of vanity, no it was more of curiosity. Sometimes, in my sleep, I would get flashes of an older girl who felt familiar to me. One night I realized that must had been me at one point in time. She did not look like this. I try to forget these flashes. The feelings of anguish and pain that go along with them gets too strong.

My name is Lily Evans. I was born on the 30th of January in the year 1960. I have a mother and father along with one older sister. We live in England as a middle to lower class family. Our house is located in Cokeworth near Spinner's End. I am five years old, my sister just turned eight. My hair is auburn, my eyes a vivid green. My sister has light blonde hair and eyes the color of the sky. Weird things happen around me, and I'm not sure why.

When I am not trying to forget a life that is no longer, I notice the strangest things. How things suddenly burst apart when I am angry. How my hair can move on its own. I remember one moment I was sitting on the couch then one millisecond I was on my bed. At first, I theorize that perhaps this was somehow related to my old life. Like something came with me. Yet a feeling in my stomach told me otherwise. I have started to trust my gut feelings.

My name is Lily Evans, and for the darndest reason, I have no clue why that name rings alarm bells in my head.

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**I'm not one hundred percent sure why I created this tbh. The idea came to me in the shower and I decided to type it out before my friends came over to watch The Bachelor. I just wanted to fiddle with the idea of a reincarnated OC inside out lovely Lily Evans. I apologize for any grammatical errors, just had to get this little idea out there before it vanishes from my memory. I hope yall enjoyed the chapter.**


	2. Chapter 2

The day I turned six signaled the beginning of year one education in the public school system. It was nice, to be away from my parents. They were kind and all but it got annoying. Annoying how they treated me like I was a child.

_But we are a child._

The downside was being surrounded by children of my own age spotlighted my differences. Differences that were more than my handy down clothing compared to their pristine ones. It was a fundamental difference that was impossible to hide, no matter how hard I tried. At first, I tried to talk to my classmates, yet I found it was frustrating trying to make conversation. It was like I was unable to connect with them like I was alien to them. I even tried talking to the upperclassmen, which was more tolerable but I think they thought me odd. Besides, why would they want a six-year-old with them. I also don't think Petunia would want me around as well.

Things took a turn several months into the school year when my teacher, Miss Davies, called in my parents for a meeting. It was uncomfortable sitting there, in between your parents that aren't really _your_ parents. "Mr. and Mrs. Evans, I'm sure you are wondering why I brought you two in today," Miss Davies began before explaining my social interaction with my classmates, well more like my lack of social interaction with them. As she rambled on, I turned my head towards the glass windows. My young face staring back at me before morphing into one much older. Instead of my auburn locks, it was a dark strawberry blonde. Sea green eyes protected by cat-eyes glasses instead of emerald that looked tired and weary. A confused frown appeared on my face as I continue to stare at the women who have taken my place. A strong sense of familiarity overwhelmed my sense.

_Who are you? Who am I?_

"Lily. Lily," my mother's voice snapped me out of it. My reflection was back to normal. Auburn hair, green eyes, buttoned nose, rosy and freckled cheeks.

"I'm sorry mother, I was just thinking," the apology left my mouth quickly like a reflex.

Miss Davies gave us a small smile. "This is what I was talking about. However, despite the constant daydreaming and lack of social awareness, it seems your daughter is potentially a genius."

I blinked harshly at her statement. A genius? The work was just simple. I wasn't a genius by any means. It seemed I wasn't the only one thinking that as my mother exclaimed, "A genius? Oh Miss Davies, you must be mistaken. Mature for her age, yes. But, a genius?"

"Well Miss Evans, I can't be sure," Miss Davies blushed before laying out a small stack of papers on her desk and shoving them toward us. "These are your daughter's test and assignment scores. As well as watching her in class, I must say I would suggest having us test her. Just to be sure."

That is how I found myself even more in the center of my parents' world. When the test came back, I was now a certified intellectual genius. I never saw my parents so proud. A small part of me felt guilty like this whole thing was an elaborate sham. Another part of me felt guilty for an entirely different reason. A reason named Petunia.

While my parents rejoiced in having a genius daughter who was extremely easy to care for, Petunia, on the other hand, despised it. She had begun acting out, in multiple ways, in any way to regain her parents' attention towards her instead of me. It worked at times, but not in the way she wanted. One day she purposely shattered mother's favorite platter set and was sent to her room with no supper and two months of being grounded. That was the first time I saw our mother's temper.

Later that night, I crept to her room and slowly opened her bedroom door. There she was laying on her bed. Her bright blonde curls in a tangled mess as she shoved her face into her pillow. I stood there and watched her body tremble. The only noise was her muffled sobs. Slowly I walked towards her.

_A girl no older than 7 was curled up on her side. Loud sobs filled the room. Her glasses laid on her pillow as she gripped and yanked on her messy curly hair. No adult was in sight._

I rubbed my head which now had a stinging throbbing pain. I wasn't sure what that scene was but I had time to ponder it later. I walked to my sister's bed and sat next to her, patting her back. Quickly her head popped up, her bloodshot eyes hopeful. That hopefulness faded into anger and hatred when she realized it was me who was with her.

"Go away Lily," she snapped. Turning away from me and laying her head back in her tear soaked pillow. I didn't.

"Tunie," I whispered, rubbing her back.

"I said GO AWAY," she snapped, shoving me away from her.

"I'm sorry Tunie," I said, crawling on her bed towards her. I kneeled next to her, my fingers twirling her hair. Petunia pushed herself back up and turned towards me, her lips quivering. Her opened her mouth again, probably about to chew me out, but before she could I pulled her in a hug.

It would be so easy to storm away from her. To pout and cry from her harshness then tell mum about what she did. However, that didn't seem right. Her feeling of loneliness rubbed me the wrong way, as if it hit too close to home. She didn't need me to storm off, she needed a sister.

At first, Petunia was stiff before she hugged me back. Her face laying on top of my head as she squeezed me tightly. We stayed like that for a bit until Petunia pulled away. I stared at her as she rubbed her eyes and steadied her breathing.

"It isn't fair," Petunia mumbled, several tears escaping her eyes. I gave her a small frown and nodded my head.

"It isn't," I agreed.

"I-" Petunia sniffled, "I just want them to notice me again. It is always about you," she sneered. It was odd hearing an eight-year-old sneer with such resentment. "Our perfect little Lily flower. Smart little Lily, mature little Lily." Petunia slammed her fist on her bed, her face turning a deep red. "Why can't they love me? Why is it always you?" With that shriek, she began to cry again. Flopping her body back towards her pillows.

I gave her a crushing hug. "We all love you, Tunie. You don't need to be me, that wouldn't make you," I mumbled. Realizing that I would be unable to console her further, I pushed myself back up and headed towards the door. I looked back towards my sobbing older sister, my eyes focusing on a solo petunia flower resting on her bedside drawer. I furrowed my brows. Was that always there? Shaking my head I headed back to my parents.

When I arrived, my mother seemed to be in a deep conversation with father. Walking closer to them I noticed how her face was blotchy. "Mother?" Her and my father turned around sharply towards my voice. My mother forced a smile on her face while my father just sighed. "Is everything okay my little Lilypad?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly. I gave her a blank look, biting my lip.

"Talk to Tunie," and with that, I turned around and head to the living room. When I didn't hear any movement, I turned around to see them standing there. My mum's mouth was gaping. My dad just watching. With a sigh, I gave them my best disapproving look.

"She needs you. Go talk to her."

I laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling, as my parents' footsteps headed towards Petunia's room. Slowly I closed my eyes, trying to block out the world, as my mind wandered back to the sight of the strange girl crying on a bed.

Why did she seem so familiar? Why did that make me want to cry? These questions swirled in my mind, my own confusion creating a headache. It was all put aside when a familiar child voice echoed in my mind, my voice.

_When are you leaving? Why have you stayed?_

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**I hope yall enjoyed this chapter and sorry for any missed typos. The inspiration is hitting me. The length of these chapters are going to vary, so shorter than others. Right now I am debating how AU this story will end up being. Thanks for reading and if you want to can check out my two other harry potter stories. That totally wasn't a shameless plug.**


	3. Chapter 3

I never knew when the voice first spoke up, perhaps she was always there.

I do know when the voice left though. I remember the day clearly.

It was January 30th, 1967.

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When I first realized I was not alone in my thoughts was when I heard it say "mama". I knew I heard the vocalization before, in gurgles that came and went as I slept as an infant.

At first, it was odd hearing my own voice sound so childlike. Yet, it seemed correct. That was how I was supposed to like an adult woman who had the vocal pitch of a prepubescent girl.

That was the last time I heard her for a while.

The next time I heard her I was in grade prep, she was more vocal and scared. She would always question who I was, why was I here, where was she. All I could say was my name, Lily Evans. She did not like that. Not one bit. In fact for the entire day she had a fit, which was impressive since she was merely a voice. Yet, despite that fact, the pain it brought to my head caused me to have a similar meltdown.

Ironically it was the most age-appropriate action I had done so far.

I remembered laying in my small bed at night, Petunia fast asleep in the identical twin bed beside me. The voice came back, much calmer than she was earlier in the day.

_I don't know what is going on. Why are you here?_

I never knew how to answer that question. Why was I here, why wasn't she?

There were days the voice was stronger and had more control of my actions. Yet it never lasted long, it mostly seemed like strange muscle spasms. I hated when she did that, the feeling was awful. It was as if another person was possessing my body.

However, maybe that is how she always felt. Perhaps, the voice was the correct person to be here and I problem.

I pitied the girl, I was mostly like an invader. A foreign entity that grew up alongside her and quickly overpowered her.

I felt dirty. Monstrous.

The poor thing never stood a chance.

The times the voice spoke to me were the days when I had the most self-awareness of myself.

Those were the days that I felt too big for this tiny frail body. Where in the mirror, my visage was replaced with a young woman, the same young woman I saw in my classroom's window. Times where moving my limbs felt foreign as if I was merely a puppeteer of this body.

I hated those days.

There were times where I wished for the voice to go away and shut up. It was annoying having a child with me in my head. Especially when she was friendly and asking idiotic questions.

But that is how Lily Evans was supposed to be. A curious child. And I was destroying that. So while she couldn't be a child with her family or the world that I was living. The least I could do was allow her to be a child in my head. No matter how guilty that made me feel.

It wasn't awful. She seemed lovely, just going by her voice. The stories she made up had a certain flair to them.

The voice was respectful too. When the relationship between Petunia and I got mended after the plate incident she seemed grateful. If she had any control over this body I would say she would be crying in relief and joy.

For the first time, it seemed my family actually acted like a functional family. I was just happy that the child's voice was able to know that.

She grew weaker as the months went by. The worst day was on May 16th, Petunia's birthday. Her presences had be wavering, but that day it was total silence. It was harder than I thought, I thought I would enjoy the peace. However, it was like a small part of joy had vanished. It made celebrating my elder sister's ninth birthday, yet I smiled and kept a happy face. For Petunia's sake. After all this was the happiest I had seen her in awhile. No one knew how relieved I was to hear the light humming of happy birthday as I sat next to Petunia as she opened her gifts. The child was not gone, not yet at least.

A small part of me had an idea of what was happening. A small hypothesis. I always hoped that I was wrong.

But I wasn't.

On the 30th of January in the year 1967 at 12:00 am, the voice had vanished and faded to oblivion. The flicker of light that had been dwindling finally extinguished.

That was the night the real Lily Evans had died.

And I was the one who killed her.

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**What is this? A fast update for a somewhat short depressing chapter? It is more likely than you think. I hope y'all enjoyed it and sorry if I left any spelling errors, I write when the inspiration is hot and burning brightly. Chapter 4 is already in the works and soon a certain wizard will be appearing. If anyone has suggestions on what they want to see, then let me know. I love hearing ideas. I should work on Just Her Luck, hopefully this story will give me some inspiration for that story as well.**


	4. Chapter 4

The death of what I believed to be the real Lily Evans hit me harder than I thought it would. The mixture of overwhelming guilt and loneliness overtook my being for longer than I would like to admit. It was weird, the voice that I once thought was an annoyance was actually my closest companion. Even though we never talked about anything personal, or even talked that much at all, the absence was maddening.

I retreated in my own little world of reading and school work. At school it was hardly noticeable, I always kept to myself. A seven-year-old child in secondary school was never going to be guaranteed friends. At least the older teens never bothered me and while I was not friends with any of them, I was at least on friendly school mates terms with most of them. A couple of them did come up to me to ask what was wrong. I never spoke a word. Eventually, they gave up and went back to their own world. I couldn't help but to wish for them to stay.

At home, on the other hand, my change in behavior was much more noticeable. It was not my parents who noticed it, but Petunia. In a way, it made sense that she would see it first. After all we had started growing closer after our initial drift.

At first, it started with homework. Though I highly doubt Petunia would ever admit that her sister three years her junior was helping her with her homework, it was a bonding moment. I enjoyed showing her how certain math problems could be done, all the short-handed methods that I was not sure how I learned in the first place. Soon homework time was another part in our daily routine. Sitting down side by side with a tray of snacks on the coffee table as well worked together in peaceful silence. One thing leads to another and soon Petunia was dragging me out of the house to play with her. From the tree swing to playing the oddest version of cops and robbers (well cop and robber) we were together, like proper siblings. We were by all means thick as thieves.

So when I began to head to bed instead of heading to our homework spot or just sat on the grass when she dragged me out to play, Petunia instantly knew something was up.

She claimed she wasn't smart, however, she really should give herself more credit.

After a week did she confronted me.

The day she confronted me was when the reality of the whole situation truly hit me. Every smile I got throughout the day, the kind words and gestures from my peers, my teachers, and my parents just piled onto my guilt. Those shouldn't be directed at me, those should've been for Lily.

I was the reason Lily Evans was dead. I could've given her body back. I should've given her her life back. But I didn't. I didn't want to go back to the dark. What kinda person did that make me? Stealing the future of an infant?

So here I laid, curled up on top of my bed. Staring blankly towards the window sill. Every day I wished to be wrong, that the voice will come back but I knew that was a fool's dream. The feeling of loss cannot be mistaken. I wished I could apologize, go back and accept my fate instead of hijacking someone's life.

Slowly tears started to flow down my cheeks. A strangled sob was released from my mouth.

It took me several moments to realized Petunia's presence next to me.

"What's with you?" Petunia bluntly asked. I shook my head, curling myself into a ball. Petunia let out a sigh and sprawled herself out on the left side of my bed.

"Lilyyyyyyyy," she whined, giving me an exaggerated pout. Squeezing my teary eyes shut I turned on my opposite side, my hands moving my hair as I began yanking my auburn locks.

"Lily!" I felt Petunia rotate my body as she quickly grabbed my hands, stopping me from continuing to rip out my hair. "Stop doing that. What's the matter with you?" she snapped. I just wanted to scream at her. Scream how I'm not her sister, that her sister is gone because of me. Me, a stranger who can't remember anything about a different life other than the fact everything here is wrong. God, I wished I go scream that to the world, I didn't deserve kindnesses from these people, Lily did. More tears began to flow faster with that fact. Just another thing I stole from a kid.

Through my tear soaked vision, I could see Petunia's face wrinkled up in confusion. "C'mon Lils," she sighed, pulling me up.

"Are those older kids giving you trouble? Just give me names Lils and I will deal with them. Mum and dad will never know." She gave me a stern look, that looked ridiculous on her. The imagery of my nine-year-old sister at the height of 4'9 feet tall, well 150 cm tall, against a group of teens. I couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled out. Petunia gave me a fake frown, lightly shoving my shoulder.

"Hey, I'll do it. They won't even know what hit them. They ought to know that you can't mess with the Evans sisters. After all, only I can mess with you." The corner of lips twitched upwards, much to the joy of my sister.

"See Lils, I got your back. Now give me names."

I shook my head, "No one did anything. I-it was all my fault." My voice was hoarse from my sobbing. Petunia's smile turned into a frown. She stared at me for a couple of moments, probably waiting for an elaboration that would never come.

"Lily," she sighed as she grabbed my cheeks, forcing me to stare at her. "I know you aren't gonna tell me anything so I'm just going to tell you this. Whatever is going, it isn't your fault. You may be an obnoxious know-it-all, but whatever got you that upset can't possibly be your fault. I know you Lily, you aren't a nasty person. Whatever happened happened, there is no reason to dwell on it. And ya better remember that cuz I won't ever repeat it."

Petunia's words hit me hard and had a certain truth to it. While her words barely lessen my guilt, they did however bring me back to the now. The voice, whether it was Lily Evans or not, was gone and never coming back. By all means, I am Lily. I'm the person they have been living with for the past seven years. Hopefully one day I can be able to be at peace with that, but for now, I just had to forget and be me, Lily Evans,

"Since when were you the mature one Tunie? I wasn't aware I was talking to mum," I teased, rubbing the tears away.

Petunia's frown morphed into a mocking version of it. "Y'know, just cuz you act all grown up doesn't mean you are Lils. Let's not forget who the older sister is." She tapped my nose.

"Of course Tunie, how could I forget." Petunia gave me a humph and raised her head, like a snob. She held that pose for a second or two before relaxing her body and giving me a grin. Quickly she grabbed my hand and dragged me out of our room and lead us outside.

"Now c'mon Lils, let's play some cops and robbers." She giggled. I gave her a small smile and nodded my head. Before I could get a word in, she was off. Her blonde curls flying in the wind. "YOU'RE THE COP," she shouted as she ran off. I rolled my eyes and chased after her. It wasn't fair she got a head start, she was always a better runner than me. Despite that fact, it always seemed I was able to teleport towards her. One moment I would be meters behind and the next I would be right behind her. And thankfully, it happened again like a charm. I tackled her, throwing us both to the ground. Laughter coming from both of us.

"So not fair Lils. How do you keeping catching up?" Petunia said between giggles.

I shrugged, "I dunno. Magic?" I gave her a mischievous smile before pushing myself up. I turned around, about to start running when I saw a pair of onyx color eyes and pale face of a young boy staring at the two of us. I paused, staring directly back at him. A sense of familiarity washed over me but I was not sure why. It was different than the young woman and the girl visions I had seen before. Those felt much more personal than what I felt when I stared at the boy. Before I could call him out, my head whipped towards Petunia as she said "Lils, ya better start running. Ya get a five-second head start."

I gaped at her before turning back to where I last saw the boy. But this time he was gone. I felt Petunia's hand on my shoulder. "Whatcha looking at?" she asked, following my gaze to the bushes.

"Nothing, I just thought I saw someone."

"Hmm. Well...whatever. You still have five seconds. 5...4…"

And with that, I ran off, with Petunia hot on my trail. Any thoughts of the strange boy who was hiding in the bush vanished as I enjoyed the time with my sister.

I am Lily Evans now. This was my life.

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**Back with a new chapter boi. Sorry I have just been very invested in my other Harry Potter fanfic. Gotta follow the inspiration yknow.**

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, let me know what yall are thinking!**


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